Lighting a flame
by MamzelleHermy
Summary: Sequel to 'A Universe Is Trapped Inside A Tear'. Merlin thought that now that magic was free and he was court advisor things would be better but, of course, all is not that easy and soon old friends and foes arise to change his world once more.
1. Prologue

_**Hello everyone!**_

_**Welcome in the (very) long awaited sequel of 'A Universe Is Trapped Inside A Tear'!**_

_**So, yes, it's been a long time. I am sorry. Really. I didn't want to keep you waiting that long but, well, I began this one-shot collection and I was looking for ideas and then turned out that the one shots have been the inspiration for the sequel! Which means that is you have read the collection, a part of the story will be familliar to you (but, hopefully, it won't chase you away).**_

_**By the way, it is probably better if you have read 'A Universe...' before reading this story because they will be linked. But, if you have any question, do not hesitate to review or PM me!**_

_**I really hope you hadn't forgotten me, or this story, and that you will enjoy this new ride with me! I suppose it will be long (but I won't spoil anything)!**_

_**Don't forget either that reviews, critics, comments and ideas are very very welcome (let it be remembered that 'A Universe Is Trapped Inside A Tear' was supposed to be a one-shot before you reader made it beacome this huge wonderful adventure!) and will be answered.**_

_**Last, but not at all least, I want to adress the hugest thank you ever to my wonderful and supportive Beta: Photo100 whose encouragements certainly helped me find the courage to began posting despite the fact that I'm terrified to know what you'll think about it!**_

_**So, yes, that's it, a new beginning!**_

_**I leave you with the Prologue. First chapter will be updated on Friday (and yes, you can nag me if ever I forget).**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p><strong>Prologue<strong>

The lone rider passed through the trees of the dark forest of Lothian almost noiselessly.

Contrary to the habitual travelers, he looked completely at ease and unworried as he moved through the known bandit-infested region. He knew he was at no risk from the people living in this area of the forest. They were his family, his brothers.

He smiled when he finally felt their minds brush his. He felt their anticipation and pushed his horse faster.

In no time, he saw the tree line thin to give way to a little clearing clustered with brown, green and white tents. Men already surrounded him as he dismounted and his mare was taken care of before he had had time to consider it.

A man, their leader, detached himself from the little group, his expression unreadable.

"What news do you bring?" He asked, his voice calm and calculating.

"Unexpected." The messenger began cryptically. "I come straight from Camelot where the King has just released the ban on magic."

Shocked gasps erupted throughout the camp.

"What?"

"How?"

"This can't be!"

"It's a trick!"

The leader let his men express their surprise before raising his hand calmly.

"Please my friend, explain to us, what made him change his mind?" He mused.

"I don't know my lord. All I know is that the King disappeared for a week with his manservant and one of his knights and made the announcement when he came back."

"And what about Morgana?" A younger voice asked.

The crowd parted to let an adolescent with bright and cold blue eyes approach.

The messenger bowed as the young man reached him.

"The circumstances are not clear but rumors says she is dead and was killed by the king himself. However, I heard guards say that she was already wounded before being put in her cell…"

The boy's fists clenched at his sides as anger rolled off him in waves, making everyone shudder in fear.

"Mordred." The leader admonished forcefully. "Calm yourself. I promise you Arthur Pendragon and the whole of Camelot will pay for that. But anger doesn't give good counsel and we must not act rashly."

"You're right Alvarr." Mordred answered after a long time. "But I will not rest until Camelot bows before me."

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><p><em><strong>EDIT: I can't believe messed up the presentation like that : Thanks Shelbylou and my Beta for the notice.**_

_**So, I hope you liked that prologue. Interesting enough for you dear reader?**_

_**See you on Friday!**_

_**Oh, by the way, any artist for the cover?**_


	2. Chapter 1

_**Hello dear readers!**_

_**I can't begin this chapter without thanking you all! You are absolutely AMAZING! I can't even begin to explain how happy and releived I was at the feedback I got for just this little prologue! I really didn't expect to have already so many followers and favouriters (is that a word?) and reviews! I hope I will live up to your expectations!**_

_**I'll also thank my Beta, as ever, for her hard work :)**_

_**So, here is then the first chapter! Time to see what happened to Merlin :)**_

_**Do not hesitate to make your comments known with a review, you would brighten my bleak day ;)**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 1:<strong>

Merlin was running at full speed along the white corridors of Camelot, cursing himself for oversleeping again and apologizing to the people he crossed, hoping he wouldn't run into someone. He could already hear Arthur's voice scolding him.

He couldn't help it if he had spent the evening and a good part of the night in the lower town, helping with the outbreak of an illness that, thankfully, had been nothing too serious but had still taking time.

He arrived in front of the wooden doors to find Arthur waiting for him, arms crossed on his chest, an annoyed look on his face.

"Hello Arthur." Merlin greeted a little breathlessly as he skidded in a halt in front of the King.

"I hope you have a very good reason for being so late." Arthur said, his voice cold.

"Actually, yes. I… I was helping in the lower town last night and came back only early this morning."

"So you overslept." The king interrupted.

Merlin nodded sheepishly and Arthur sighed. "Well, let's just hope you haven't annoyed the lords too much."

Merlin shrugged and straightened his clothes before following the king into the council room and sitting down in his designated seat.

"Well, thank you all for joining us in this council meeting." Arthur began, his voice resonating in the room.

And with that the council began with Merlin only vaguely listening. He knew he should pay more attention but frankly couldn't find it in himself to. In fact, he had discovered during his first council session that the whole Royal Adviser thing was working only for Arthur and a handful of lords but that the majority of them would just plainly ignore him.

So he decided he would just listen and not say a thing. But, of course, this made the council no more interesting than when he had just been a servant. Even less as now he had to look as if he was listening.

To keep himself occupied, he sipped at his goblet of water and observed the nobles around the tables, all looking very regal in their rich clothes and once more the warlock wondered what he was doing there. He knew that this was Arthur showing his appreciation to what he had done and sacrificed for the Kingdom but he couldn't help but feel he was not at his real place.

It was more than an hour later that Arthur finally decided to end the meeting causing Merlin to hide a relieved sigh. He waited until the last lord had left the room before rubbing his neck tiredly, feeling the effects of the night's events.

"You look tired." Arthur commented and Merlin lifted an eyebrow, internally sighing at the King newfound care for his health.

"Well you would too if you'd spent the night in town, working." He tried to joke and when he saw Arthur's still concern glance he said. "I'm fine Arthur."

"You know I don't believe you when you say that anymore." His friend replied.

Merlin groaned and opened his mouth to protest but was interrupted by a loud knock at the door before it opened.

"Sire, I apologize for disturbing you." The guard said. "But Luke is here and wanted to talk to Merlin. He said it is a matter of urgency."

"He'll be there shortly." Arthur answered.

"No, I'll come right away." The warlock interrupted, his gaze fixed on the king who looked like he wanted to object.

Merlin didn't give him the time and went to the door.

"We'll talk about that Merlin." The king called after him.

"I don't doubt it." The younger man answered and closed the door to find Luke waiting for him.

Luke was a younger man than Merlin who had been an apprentice to the herbalist and was now helping the warlock whenever there was a disease that needed more attention that the sorcerer could give. Which had been the case yesterday and still was today.

"Sorry to disturb you Merlin, I know the Council session is important but there have been ten new cases and they seem worse. We were at a bit at a loss as to what to do…"

"You did the right thing Luke, don't worry." Merlin assured.

The young man nodded and began leading Merlin out of the Castle and into the lower town towards the house in which they had gathered most of the sick people in order to treat them more easily.

Once there, Merlin was greeted by the sight of five new patients lying on the ground near the front door, tended to by Elena.

"Ah Merlin! I'm glad you could come!" She told him when she saw both men enter. "These arrived this morning. They seem worse…"

Merlin nodded and crouched down next to a middle aged woman who was lying curled on her side, shivering. He put a hand on her brow and fought not to wince at the heat there. He examined her quickly before moving to the four others.

"We need to cool them down. Do you still have yarrow tincture left?"

Elena shook her head, her ponytail flying.

"No. I gave the last to the Simmons' children." She answered apologetically.

"Okay, we should still have some in stock Elena, but you, Luke should go pick some more yarrow while I go and prepare more of the tincture." Merlin said, trying to sound as if he wasn't ordering them around.

They both nodded before going to do what he said as he turned and walked out of the room, feeling sorry for all the people there he couldn't really help.

How he missed Gaius at times like this. He was sure the old man would have been able to do so much more.

He sighed and shook his head softly. No point in dwelling on those thoughts. He had to brew this potion before his afternoon meetings with various people to discuss magic.

He had been doing that since Arthur appointed him Court Advisor on Magical Affairs and had decided it should be part of his duties to meet anyone who wanted to discuss anything magical so he could then refer them to the king if needs be.

There were far more people than any of them would have thought.

But that didn't mean he was displeased with it. At least during those meetings he could actually express himself, even without mentioning he himself had magic, and they would listen.

With those thoughts he arrived in front of the Physician Chambers. He took a deep breath and entered his former room. He couldn't stop the pang in his chest but he was used to it now and the feeling of loss didn't bother him as much as it had the first few weeks after Gaius' death. He had chosen to keep it as a Physician office where he would prepare and store various potions until they found a new physician.

Not that he was sure he was ready to have someone replace Gaius right now, despite the fact that he had accepted his mentor's passing and was slowly getting over it.

He shook the thoughts away and set to work, he really didn't have time to lose.

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><p>Two hours later and he was pouring the tincture into glass vials when Luke returned loaded with a basket of yarrow flowers.<p>

"Merlin! You're still here?" He exclaimed surprised.

"Yes, I just finished the tincture actually. You should take it to Elena and help her."

"But the flowers have to be put to dry." The younger man protested.

"I'll do it." Merlin said.

"Don't you have your meetings soon?" Luke asked eyebrow raised.

Merlin took a look outside and saw the sun almost at his highest. He grimaced, looking down at his wet shirt from when he had accidently dropped a bowl of water over himself.

"Yeah. You're right… But do that later."

Luke nodded coming to the table to empty his basket and replace the flower with the now full vials.

"Don't hesitate to interrupt me if you need to." Merlin instructed as he left the room, once more running towards his room to change and eat something before his appointment.

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><p><strong>So? What do you think? I guess it wasn't what you expected but is it any good?<strong>

**Oh, and, I guess I should precise that I don't own Merlin of course ;)**

**See you soon!**


	3. Chapter 2

**_Hello my dear readers!_**

**_First thing first, I want to thank all of you for the favorites and followings! That is totally awesome! And you should review too because it's weird to have people favourite this story when I don't even know what they like in it... But, well, it's obviously not an obligation, it would just be nice for me ;)._**

**_I also want to adress a special thanks to **the Guest reviewer who reviewed last chapter saying he/she marathon A Universe and fell asleep reading it and saying I'm amazing let me tell you that I love you. You brightened my day. So thanks and next time leave your name so I can hug you virtually.**_**

**_**And I will also thank my super awesome Beta that I love!**_**

**_**Thanks for reading and supporting me. Really!**_**

**_**Enjoy next chapter and don't hesitate to contact me, I love interacting with my readers!**_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 2:<strong>

Arthur could only watch with unmasked frustration as his friend left the council room. He hadn't lied, he didn't believe for one second that Merlin was completely alright. No one could be alright while looking so tired.

And that was with not considering Merlin's vacant expression during almost the whole Council session, despite the fact that it was well masked to an oblivious observer.

He sighed. He should have known that giving the warlock a place as court advisor wouldn't change the fact that in the almost all the others councilmen's eyes he still was just a servant.

If only they knew just how much the young man had sacrificed for them and Camelot, maybe they wouldn't be so quick to dismiss and ignore him.

Or maybe they would. Maybe they would even try to do things far worse than just ignore his opinions and act as if he wasn't even there in the first place.

Arthur shook his head. Despite having lifted the ban of magic, he knew many people were still wary of magic users and if Merlin were to reveal his powers even now, things were not assured to turn out well.

He could almost already hear the accusations of manipulations and evilness.

He wished so much things wouldn't be like that.

Merlin and all the other good sorcerers shouldn't have to live like that, constantly fearing for their lives just because there were some people abusing their gifts for personal gain.

Sometimes his regrets went so far that he almost hated his father for being responsible for the mistrust against magic with his ruthless purge of it. Almost.

He had finally learned what had triggered this whole mess and knew that no one could really judge Uther.

He knew only too well that grief and pain could make people do terrible things. He had seen it often enough and with many people, including Merlin and he could only imagine how he would have reacted if something like that had happened to Guinevere.

The king was shaken out of his thoughts by said queen who had come to lean against the back of his chair, her arms against his neck.

"You look thoughtful." She observed quietly.

"I'm worried about Merlin."

"We're always worried about Merlin." She commented, coming to stand in front of him. "What has he done this time?"

"Nothing per say. It's just a feeling…" Arthur hesitated and Gwen waited for him to continue. "It's just…. He keeps saying he's alright and everything but…"

"You don't believe him." The Queen completed.

"He keeps working so hard between his court duties and replacing Gaius… It can't be healthy."

Gwen smiled softly and went to sit on her husband's thighs, leaning against him as he put his arms around her. She too had noticed that Merlin always seemed extremely busy these days but he also seemed happy enough, if not a bit tired.

"Maybe…. Maybe we should begin looking for a new court physician…" She finally proposed after a time of contemplative silence.

Arthur grimaced.

"I don't know… I'm not sure how Merlin will react to someone replacing Gaius…"

Gwen sighed. She knew Arthur had a point there. She may not have be the one to spend the most time with Merlin after his mentor died but she had still seen how destroyed the young man had been. Everyone had seen it. And she never wanted to see Merlin like that again.

"No one could replace him…. But you said it yourself, Merlin can't keep on doing both his job as court adviser and as physician, without mentioning the whole protecting you thing."

"I don't need protecting." Arthur protested with a groan.

"Of course you do." Gwen kept on, ignoring his indignant glare. "How would you protect yourself against the evil magic users that still want your head?"

Arthur pulled a face but didn't argue further. He knew his wife was right but wasn't about to tell her when she already looked so smug.

"All jokes aside though, we can't have him caring for the wounded and being on the battlefield should conflict arise. We need his magical protection far more than his physician's skills."

"You're right… Of course, you're right… But this doesn't mean I won't worry."

"I know. If you want I can take care of sending letters to the neighbouring kingdoms and druids, asking if they would know of anyone with the skills required."

"That would be great, yes."

"That's sorted then." Gwen said with a smile.

She kissed his lips and pushed herself up.

"If you'll excuse me, I have some work to do, and you better go and do yours instead of daydreaming." She teased.

"I wasn't…" He began protested before letting out a small laugh. "I swear you spend far too much time with Merlin."

Gwen only smiled and left the room in a flurry of dress.

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><p>Arthur spent the rest of the morning and lunch with his knights, keeping in touch with their training especially that of the newer ones, before getting back to his chambers to read the various reports that has accumulated on his desk in only one morning.<p>

He sighed as he sat down, back facing the window to make sure he wouldn't be distracted by just staring aimlessly out of it and brooding over his worry for Merlin.

An hour hadn't passed before he was interrupted by a knock at his door.

"Enter." He bid and watched as Guinevere's maid entered. Her eyes observed the room quickly before stopping on the king. She bowed respectfully.

"I'm sorry to disturb you your highness. The queen is sending me. She was wondering if you knew were Merlin is. He still hasn't arrived in the council room…"

Arthur groaned inwardly, both annoyed and a little bit anxious. If there was one thing that Merlin had never missed or arrived one minute late too, it was the afternoon meetings for magical issues. The King knew that they were Merlin's favourite part of his new job as royal adviser because it gave him the occasion to interact with people who actually respected him and people with whom he could relate.

And the king was only too happy to let him handle that alone with the queen. He knew that this was better than him interfering. It was showing that he trusted Merlin.

"I'll go search for him. Can you tell the queen to make everyone wait?"

"Of course my lord." She bowed again to him and left.

Arthur got up and followed her. Knowing Merlin, the only reason he wouldn't go to perform his duties was an emergency and he knew that the current one was the disease spreading through the lower town. That's why he began by walking towards by the physician chambers.

He didn't bother knocking before entering the room and was surprised to find not Merlin but Luke. The young man jumped at the sound of the door opening and turned sharply towards it, almost knocking down the bowl in front of him. Almost immediately his cheeks turned bright red and he bowed.

"Your highness!" He said, slightly nervous. "Is there something the matter? Do you need a physician? I'm afraid you should better ask Merlin… I could go fetch him in the council chamber if you like."

"No it's alright Luke. In fact I was looking for Merlin. He hadn't come to the meeting and I thought I would find him here."

"Oh… I'm sorry… I haven't seen him since this morning…"

"It's okay Luke. He probably has just forgotten… I'll leave you to your work then."

Luke nodded and bowed as Arthur left the room again.

He decided to follow his second idea and made his way towards Merlin's chambers. Arrived there, he hesitated for a moment before deciding that, for once, he could give Merlin a taste of his own treatment and opened the door without knocking.

The sight that greeted him made him almost laugh out loud.

Merlin was sprawled on his table in what must be a very uncomfortable position: his head in his empty plate of food, an open book next to it on which his arm was lying.

Arthur shook his head fondly as he approached the deeply asleep warlock. He shook his shoulder slightly.

"Merliiiin… Merlin, wake up." He said.

Said warlock groaned and tried to dislodge the king's hand.

"Go 'way." He mumbled.

"At least let me get you to your bed or you'll keep on complaining you have a sore back." Arthur said and hauled his friend up.

It was proof of how exhausted Merlin was that he let himself be manhandled as the king deposited him on the bed.

"You idiot." Arthur said as Merlin buried himself into his bed, instantly beginning to snore lightly.

The king took the time to close the curtains in the room before leaving. He would have to go and inform the queen that her favourite court advisor was fast asleep in his chambers instead of performing his duties because he has spent the last night helping in the lower town.

He smiled however when he imagined how panicked Merlin would be upon waking and noticing that he had slept the whole afternoon away. He just couldn't wait for the younger man to come to them and apologize. Teasing him would be the sweetest revenge.

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><p><strong>So... What do you think? Any good?<strong>

**See you in two weeks approximatively.**


	4. Chapter 3

_**Hello my dear readers!**_

_**So, this chapter is propably one I was very worried about because... Well because of the point of view. If asked, I probably couldn't tell you where that idea came from. It just happened. I hope that you won't be disapointed and that you will like this idea. I can't wait to have your feedback on it. Like really. (also because I'm kind of worried that you're becoming bored of this story. I swear it will go somewhere.)**_

_**I'm also a bit sorry for the relative lateness of it. The fact is my mother broke her arm so I have to assume her many roles. That and I'm also suffering a bit from the back and ear and had to go to the doctor and so on...**_

_**For next chapter I'm afraid you will have to wait another 2 weeks as next week end will be really busy for me (between other I'm going to see Linkin Park live !) but I will hopefully have time to write in the train (I swear trains are just the best place ever to write).**_

_**Anyway, enough talking. Just a thank you to everyone who's reading this and to my Beta! Love you all!**_

_**Enjoy!**_

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><p><strong>Chapter 3:<strong>

When the lone rider crossed the entrance of the castle, Alice thought nothing of it. Messengers were a usual occurrence.

She kept going, walking back towards her modest house in the lower town as quickly as her old bones would allow.

Once there, she began preparing a remedy to ease the terrible back pains the seamstress' daughter was experiencing, being eight months pregnant.

She had just finished the incantation for the small enchantment in it when there was a knock at the door. She bid the person to enter and was happy to see Martha come in.

Alice was always glad to see the young serving girl as she had a soft spot for the kind woman who would always come with the latest castle gossips.

Today looked no different and she seemed unusually excited about the news she brought, bouncing back and forth on the balls of her feet.

"Alice!" She cried out enthusiastically.

"Good afternoon Martha. How are you today? You look excited." Alice noted.

The young woman nodded.

"You saw the messenger? He came from Camelot! And he had a message from the queen herself! She said they were looking for a new court physician and it made me think of you. Didn't you say you had lived there when you were younger?"

Alice stilled at the news, her heart beginning to beat far too quickly in her chest.

They're looking for a new court physician…

Why? Did something happen to Gaius? Or had he just finally decided to retire?

Alice prayed for the latter to be true but she couldn't shake the doubt that took hold of her mind.

He hadn't written to her in the last few months… In fact, she could hardly remember the last time she had received a letter from him…

She had presumed that he was being kept busy with all that she had heard happened in Camelot…. But what if it wasn't that?

"Did the queen say why they are recruiting?" She asked, her voice sounding frail, even to her own ears.

Martha frowned, looking concerned.

"I… I don't think so no… Alice, are you alright? You look pale. Maybe you should sit down for a moment…"

Alice let herself be guided to a chair, feeling numb as dread began spreading in her veins.

Almost immediately she shot back up again and went to her closet.

"Alice? What are you doing?"

"I must leave for Camelot at once!" The older woman answered.

"But… You can't leave us like that… What about us? We need you and your knowledge!"

Alice stopped mid-movement, feeling guilty for abandoning the people that had so kindly taken her in when she had fled Camelot.

"I'm sorry Martha… Truly, I am… But I'm quite sure you'll be able to cope without me and I promise I'll come back as soon as I can but I really have to go…"

The young woman still looked at her with tearful eyes but nodded in resignation.

"Fine… But at least don't leave before I can get you some food and supplies for the journey."

Alice smiled softly. She would miss her young friend.

"Thank you Martha."

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><p>The six next days were torturous to Alice as she rode alone towards Camelot.<p>

Her mind was in a turmoil of contrasting emotions ranging from freezing worry to the conviction that she was being stupidly paranoid and was probably risking her life for nothing and would be scolded by Gaius for it.

At night, she found herself reminiscing about her time with the physician, thinking back to the time when they were both young and impatient to explore the world. She remembered their shared dreams and passion for knowledge, not only magical but also scientific and historic.

And just before settling down to sleep she would let herself dream of continuing this life. She and her beloved once more reunited in Camelot. This time with nothing between them and all the time they needed now that Gaius wasn't court physician anymore.

Maybe they could even travel a bit, go to the sea like he had promised her all those years ago.

And when she finally saw the white castle looming in the distance she couldn't have described her emotions anymore. It was a confusing mix of dread, happiness and sadness warring with each other without winner.

She resisted the urge to spur her tired horse faster but instead kept on riding peacefully until she reached the lower town.

She forced herself to remain calm as she passed the guards at the entrance of the citadel, hoping they wouldn't recognize her and throw her directly in the dungeons.

Thankfully, they let her pass with nothing more than a blink of their eyes and she found herself in the square courtyard. She dismounted and tied her horse to one of the wooden pole erected just for that purpose.

She easily remembered her way into the castle and quickly arrived in front of the old wooden doors leading in the physician's room.

She stopped for a moment, her heart thudding almost painfully in her chest, then she raised her hand to knock.

A few more heartbeats and the door opened to reveal a young, blond haired man that she had never seen before.

"Good morning." He greeted politely with a smile. "What can I do for you?"

Alice cleared her throat.

"Hello. I wanted to see Gaius, the former court physician." She asked, trying to peer over his shoulder and into the room.

The boy in front of her frowned, looking sad.

"Don't you know? Gaius passed away ten months ago." He announced and Alice could have sworn she felt her heart shattering into tiny pieces that ripped painfully through her core.

She didn't realize she was shaking and gasping for breath until the young man took hold of her shoulders to steady her.

"Hey, hey." He said, sounding a little bit panicked himself. "Calm down. Breathe deeply… Come inside, you look like you need a sit down."

He forcefully led her to an old chair and made her sit, placing her head down between her knees. The physician in her recognized the position and knew she had to force herself to steady her breathing.

Which was easier said than done.

The still unknown man then began rubbing soothing circles on her back and she fleetingly thought he might have some medical training.

This went on for long minutes, during which Alice finally began calming and noticing the tears that were running down her face.

"What… What happened?" She finally croaked, voice low.

The boy shifted on his feet, looking uncomfortable.

"I… I probably should get Lord Merlin… He would be more able than me to tell you… Can I leave you here for a moment?

Alice's mind was reeling. _Lord_ Merlin. Just how much exactly has she missed?

She nodded and he left her alone. She heard his running pace fade quickly.

She took the opportunity to observe the room, trying to stop her tears. She noticed the small differences, how the room now seemed a bit more organized, the lack of books scattered everywhere.

It felt despairingly empty instead of homely like the last time she had been there.

But it was still obviously used by a physician if the drying herbs and medicinal scent was any indication.

She felt so confused.

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><p>It couldn't be more than ten minutes later before she heard rapid footsteps echoed in the corridor and she forced herself to sit straighter.<p>

A second later and the door opened to reveal the boy she remembered as Merlin, Gaius' young ward that the physician had loved as a son.

But it was obvious the boy had changed. His face and body looked more mature, a man now. He came to an abrupt stop, shock overcoming his strong features, his blue eyes widening for a second before being shadowed by a deep sadness that echoed what Alice felt.

"Alice." He breathed and she was shocked to hear how strangled his voice sounded.

He seemed to shake himself and entered the room, the man that had welcomed her following him.

"It's okay, Luke, you can go." Merlin said, his voice still sounding off from what she remembered. "I'll handle this."

The younger man nodded and left, closing the door after him.

"Merlin." Alice finally answered and she didn't know what exactly she was feeling at the moment.

He slowly came to sit down in front of her, looking at a loss for words, eyes unreadable.

Part of her wanted to pity him but a more important part of her needed answers.

"Is it true?" She asked, her voice thankfully only slightly shaking. "Is he really… Dead?"

She saw him flinch visibly as his gaze fell back down to stay on his hands. He took a deep breath and nodded.

"What happened?"

Merlin tensed, shoulders going rigid. He had to clear his throat several times before he began speaking, talking to a point somewhere over her left shoulder, but with vague eyes, lost in memories.

"He… He was imprisoned… The last time Morgana took control of Camelot… With two other knights… But… They weren't given enough food or water… His body couldn't… Couldn't take the strain…." Merlin explained quietly, eyes filling with tears that he blinked away.

Alice felt her shock and sadness renew, thinking of Gaius, starving, dying, alone, abandoned, in one of Camelot's cell. One thing he had always feared.

And then anger replaced those feelings.

"And you?" She asked, sounding bitter but refusing to be sorry for it. "Where were you?"

Merlin's eyes snapped to her, pupils widening and, if possible, she thought she saw his muscles freeze even more.

His mouth opened once, twice, before closing with a small noise. His eyes fell to the floor once more and she saw a tear fall down on his cheek.

"I…" He croaked, his voice rough as if he was crying. "I was forced to run away with Arthur… He… He needed my protection."

"And Gaius didn't?" Alice asked, her voice cutting like a knife.

A voice that sounded strangely like the dead physician's told her she was being unfair but she refused to listen to it. Merlin had been Gaius ward, he should have protected the old man before a young man that could easily enough defend himself alone, king or not.

The shock silence spread for a long time before Merlin finally opened his mouth to talk.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" He whispered, his voice weak and shaky.

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><p><strong>So what do you think? Alice is back! <strong>


	5. Chapter 4

_**Hellloooo everyone!**_

_**Look at that, this is me actually puclishing a chapter when I said I would (well, there was a small delay but I had a terrible headache)!**_

_**So, yeah, good news is I also really worked during my train rides last week end (god bless the one who invented trains, it's sooo the best place to write) so I'm happy (even if I didn't manage to write a one shot).**_

_**To finish a big thank you to the few people reviewing this story and supporting me! Love you!**_

_**Big love to my Beta too :)**_

_**Enjoy the chapter & leave a little review if you want!**_

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><p>Chapter 4:<p>

Merlin had been on his way to eat lunch with Arthur when Luke had come running towards him. It appeared as if he had been running a long time as, when he finally slid to a stop in front of the warlock, he breathed heavily, hands on his knees.

"Mer… Merlin." He tried to say.

"It's alright Luke, first get your breath back."

The boy nodded and after another minute or two looked up.

"There's an old woman in the physician's chambers. She was looking for Gaius." He finally announced.

Merlin felt his whole world freeze around him as his own breath fled from him. And he was almost certain that his face turned a few shade paler.

"Merlin? Are you alright?" Luke asked, his worried voice shaking Merlin from his dazed state.

"What did she look like? What did you tell her?" He answered, completely ignoring the other man's concern.

"I don't know… She was my height, white hair. Nothing special really… I told her about the physician's passing and she had some kind of panic attack… She wanted to know what happened and I thought it would be best if you explain it to her."

Merlin nodded, feeling numb with shock and dread. He had an idea who the old woman could be and he suddenly realized that he should have known that this would happen one day, realized he should have found her and told her that her love was dead and had been for a very long time.

He didn't wait any longer before taking off towards the physician's chambers, barely registering Luke's footsteps following his.

It took almost no time for them to arrive in front of the well-known wooden doors.

Merlin would be lying if he later said he didn't have to force himself not to run away.

He was petrified by the prospect of seeing Alice again. Of facing the woman he had condemned to death, forced into exile and, deprived of precious years with her lover.

For a moment, he thought he might suffocate with guilt but forced himself to continue. He would face her ire. He deserved it anyway.

He opened the door and, even if he had guessed it was her, couldn't stop the shock he felt from seeing her, nor the sadness that rose in him once more.

He forced a breath through his strangled throat.

"Alice." He uttered softly before shaking himself from his motionless state and advancing into the room, telling Luke to leave them alone in words he wouldn't remember later.

"Merlin." She answered, her voice strangely emotionless despite the fact that her eyes were still shining with the tears she had shed and more that still threatened to spill.

He came to sit in front of her and waited for her to speak. He didn't know what to say.

"Is it true? Is he really… Dead?" She finally questioned after the longest of time, her voice steady but so sad that Merlin felt his heart being ripped apart once more.

He couldn't stop his flinch at the word and instead let his gaze fall to where his hands were tightly clenching his knees, unwilling to face her grief, and nodded.

He heard her gasp and knew what her next question would be.

And, indeed, she asked him what happened. He didn't want to tell her, didn't want to bring those memories back but he knew he had no other choice. She, at least, deserved to hear the truth if she so wanted.

He had to fight with all his might to get the words out, blinking endlessly to keep his tears at bay and when he finished he could see how heartbroken Alice was.

And then he saw the awaited ire enter her eyes.

"And you? Where were you?" She questioned, her icy tone sending his muscles into a painful clench.

He opened his mouth to answer but no words got out. He looked down once more, letting a tear escape.

"I… I was forced to run away with Arthur… He… He needed my protection." He tried to justify but knew how lame it all sounded, in front of Alice.

"And Gaius didn't?" She asked, her voice cutting through him as efficiently as any blade, bringing back the guilt he had battled with for so long, and thought he had overcome.

He didn't know what to say because what she said was true. Gaius had needed his help and he hadn't given it to him. Hadn't even taken the time to check on him.

"I'm… I'm sorry…" He forced himself to say even if he knew that would never be enough.

"You're sorry?" Alice cried out, getting up angrily and for a moment Merlin thought she would strike him.

But she seemed to change her mind and sat down heavily once more.

He saw her open her mouth from the corner of his eyes but she was interrupted by the door opening behind Merlin.

"Ah! There you are!" The voice of Arthur interrupted, sounding like his usual annoyed self. Merlin didn't know if he was relieved or absolutely panicked that the king was here.

He seemed to sense the tense ambiance in the room and Merlin heard him take a step forward.

"Merlin?" He added and the warlock refused to turn towards him, hiding his face and keeping silent.

He knew that if he opened his mouth now Arthur would know what happened and he really didn't want to talk with the other man for the moment.

In fact, he very much wanted to just get out of here.

He forced a deep breath into his lung to keep his emotions in check before answering.

"I think we will have to cancel our lunch, Arthur. Sorry."

And with that he got up from his chair and crossed the room, keeping his eyes firmly on the ground, praying that no one would stop him.

"But where are you going? I thought you were with a patient…" Arthur said but Merlin ignored him as he was already at the door.

Once in the corridor, he ran and didn't stop until he was in his chambers, doors firmly and magically locked behind him.

And only then did he let himself cry the tears that had wanted to fall since he saw Alice's accusatory look.

He glanced around the empty room and suddenly felt unfit to be in it and only a few minutes after arriving, found himself running out again, this time going outside.

He crossed paths with various knights and servants who greeted him but he ignored them, keeping on running until he was in the forest.

When he arrived in the clearing, Aithusa was there and looked up at him with worry shining in her big dark eyes. She wasn't old enough to speak for at least another year but Merlin understood that she was wondering why he was so sad.

He stopped short, surprised, but finally sighed, letting himself fall down to sit on the ground.

Aithusa immediately walked towards him and put her head on his knees, nudging his side. Merlin put his hand on her head, slowly caressing it, feeling like crying again because he didn't deserve her kindness when he barely have time to spend with her between all his court responsibilities.

"I'm sorry I didn't come to see you earlier." He finally said.

The dragon eyed him with what could be described as a frown before shaking her head and shuffling closer to him, her warmth comforting the warlock.

He sighed and hugged her, burying his face into her scales and wishing he could just go back in time.

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><p><em><strong>Yes, this was me indulging myself in fluff and bringing Aithusa back because I bloody loooove this dragon!<strong>_

_**What do you think?**_


	6. Chapter 5

**_Hello my dear readers!_**

**_So, yeah, one day late. Really, really sorry! Can I be excused by saying that it was because I spent a whole afternoon caching up on The Fall ? You know, Colin Morgan and stuff? (and if you haven't watched this show, I'm strongly advising you to. It is awesome, terribly well made, desturbing and addictive.)._**

**_What more to say? I'll just get sentimental (once more) and thank you all for still keeping up with me and my writing. Once more, you cannot imagine exactly how much this helps me in my day to day life. I'm not at all a self assured person and I sent most of the time doubting everything and everyone and I think that writing is my only interesting feature (and even that I am doubting more often than not). So yeah, thank you for your support, for adding this story and the others in your favorites or following. And even more adding me! I probably don't deserve it but THANK YOU!_**

**_And also a very huge thank you to my Beta who puts up with me too :)_**

**_I hope you'll enjoy this little chapter!_**

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><p><strong>Chapter 5:<strong>

Arthur tapped his fingers on the wooden table before him, ignoring his wife's annoyed look.

It took another half an hour of that before Gwen finally lost her temper and put her hands on his.

"Go look for him if you must but for god's sake Arthur you're making me anxious!" She exclaimed and the king looked at her sheepishly, feeling like a young boy being scolded.

"Sorry." He said. "I just have a bad feeling…"

_And how ironic that sentence was_, Arthur thought.

Gwen nodded and gestured towards the door.

"I love you." The king said as he kissed her wife on his way out.

"Me too, now go find our court advisor." She called after him.

And with that he was out of the room, hoping his gut was mistaken and Merlin was alright._ Maybe he had just fallen asleep on the job again_.

It took him almost no time to arrive in front of Merlin's chambers and, as ever, entered without knocking, a retort already on his lips.

Only to be disappointed as the room was empty.

"I swear Merlin, only you can make a king search his own castle for a former manservant." He grumbled to the air as he turned back to the corridor and towards his next destination.

If Merlin wasn't in his own chambers, there was every chance he was in the physician's. Turning left, Arthur followed the crowded corridor, answering the many greetings he received before he finally arrived at the end of the staircase leading up to the physician's chambers.

He heard a cry from above him and concluded that his guess was probably right and that he would indeed find his friend working when he was supposed to be relaxing – and eating – with his king and queen.

He quickly went up the flight of stair, annoyance building up at Merlin's lack of concern for his own health.

Once more, he didn't bother knocking as he opened the door in a wide movement.

"Ah! There you are!" He exclaimed, not even trying to hide how irritated he was.

He expected Merlin to respond with some choice words of his own and scold his king for interrupting him with a patient, but he didn't even move.

In fact, his already straight back seemed to tense even more and Arthur noticed his tightly clenched hands on his knees.

"Merlin?" He added, knowing that something was terribly wrong and feeling an old worry ignite again in his gut.

Long minutes passed before the king saw his friend inhale deeply and then answer him in that cold, falsely unemotional way that the king had come to hate in the past months.

"I think we will have to cancel our lunch, Arthur. Sorry." He announced and proceeded to jump out of the chair he was sitting on and almost run to the door with his head bowed low, hiding his face from his friend.

As if lunch was still the first thing in the king's mind!

"But where are you going? I thought you were with a patient…" He asked, feeling utterly confused at Merlin's strange and worrying attitude.

But his friend didn't answer, didn't even seem to hear as he took off running the minute he was in the corridor, his footsteps quickly fading away.

Arthur just stared at the open door, not knowing if he should run after Merlin or let him be. Turning back to the inside of the room, he eyed the other occupant of the room.

It was an old woman that also looked a bit confused by what had just happened but he could also see the fresh tear tracks on her cheeks and the unveiled grief in her eyes.

"I apologize for Lord Merlin's behavior. Is there any way I can help you?" Arthur proposed awkwardly.

"No… Thank you sire." The woman answered, her voice rough but it did ignite a small spark of recognition in him.

He frowned, trying to recall where he could have met her.

"Have we met? You seem familiar…" The king asked.

Panic seemed to spark in the woman's eyes as her mouth opened and closed in search of an answer.

And then, out of nowhere, Arthur remembered. A gasp escaped him.

"Oh my god! You are her! Gaius' fiancée!" He explained.

Suddenly Merlin's behavior made far more sense. Dread filled Arthur.

"What did you do to Merlin?" He questioned, aware that he was sounding pretty menacing and not feeling particularly bothered by it.

"Nothing." She answered defensively.

"Then what did you say to him?" He asked, knowing that words can be just as painful as any action, especially to Merlin.

He saw Alice hesitating, her mouth opening and closing before she sighed.

"Only the truth: that he should have protected Gaius as was his duty as ward." She answered, her voice hard with lingering anger.

Arthur managed to bite back the curse that wanted to erupt from him only thanks to years of training in council but he couldn't stop the tightening of his fists at his side.

"How dare you." He all but gritted out through clenched teeth. "How dare you judge him when you can't even imagine how much he suffered? You don't have any idea how guilty he felt and still feels about this! He was just getting better and now you come and ruin that!"

After his rant he breathed deeply, trying to regain his calm. He wanted to go out there and find Merlin but he couldn't leave Alice alone. After all, she was officially a fugitive In Camelot. He turned towards the door and called for a guard.

"You are to keep an eye on her." He instructed the man. "She is not to leave Camelot. Put her in the cells if she tries anything."

He looked back to the woman in the room who returned his gaze with a pensive look.

"I hope for you that Merlin is alright." He said before leaving the room, stalking purposefully towards his friend's chamber, hoping the man was there.

He arrived in front of the wooden door and, for once, took the time to knock softly before entering.

He found the room cold and empty. Just to be sure, and because he knew his friend could hide very well if he so wanted, he carefully searched each corner before admitting that Merlin truly wasn't there. He cursed under his breath despite the fact that he should have known his friend would make things difficult.

Not about to let himself be deterred by such a small contradiction he went out of the room again and decided to climb the eastern tower knowing that the ex-servant had a liking for the place when he felt down.

It was an out-of-breathe but hopeful king that opened the door only to be attacked by a gust of cold wind. Drawing his cloak more tightly around himself he quickly made his way around the tower and concluded Merlin wasn't there either.

"Damn it Merlin where are you?" He said out loud as his worry returned full force.

Feeling slightly discouraged, he made his way back to the main part of the castle just as the bell chimed. He wanted to go and look for his friend but he was already late for a meeting with a merchant from the south. Catching sight of Gwaine at the end of the corridor he called out.

"Arthur." The man said, his usual smile already in place. "Shouldn't you be with Guthred?"

"Indeed but something's happened..." The knight sobered at the king's unusually dark tone. "It's a long story but in short Merlin's run away… I need you to find him."

"What? But why? What did you do to him! I swear..."

"I did nothing Gwaine!" The king interrupted, trying to rein his frustration in. "Gaius' fiancé came here and I fear what she told him might have... affected him..."

The knight observed Arthur for a moment, obviously still a bit skeptical about the king's non implication, before nodding.

"Right. I'll find him. Don't worry."

"Thank you Gwaine. I already checked his chambers and the eastern tower."

With a final nod, the knight left, straight-backed and purposeful.

Arthur felt just a tiny bit better.

If he could trust anyone to find Merlin, it was Gwaine.

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><p><strong>So what do you think? Up to your expectations?<strong>

**Do not hesitate to leave me a little comment. It would make my day!**


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